Changing definitions: trust, loyalty and love

Chitkala Aditosh (Chitkala Mulye)

Love like the flowing river has changed its colours and definitions every generation. Gone are those days where loyalty spoke of true love! Infact the definition of loyalty itself has been chamging over a period of time. Relationships are tested on the backdrop of multi stage extra marital under currents. The meaning of trust has changed. It is expected that you should ‘trust’ that your partner will stay with you the entire life despite storms of flings, shallow flirtatious behaviours, short or even long lasting crushes and what not. ‘Everything is a part of life and has to be taken in stride… it’s important that you trust your partner. And yes..this prves your true love. As long they don’t cross their ‘limits’ it’s OK.’ Oh and what are these limits??Is this sometimes mutually accepted by the couple under the unfortunate fact that a human is after all a polygamous being? Ethics change from person to person and culture to culture. If that is so what exactly is trust and loyalty? Does that change with time, person and culture too?

This is just a thought to invite my reader’s opinions on trust, love and loyalty..all thoughts are welcome!!

46 thoughts on “Changing definitions: trust, loyalty and love”

  1. I don’t know the answer to the realities you so well describe

    I know very well from my life that being afraid of those realities, keeps me at least, in a lonely state which I am not happy with. and human beings are social animals

    trust is based on honesty. but who has the guts to be honest and tell you that they love you, but they love someone else too…or tell you whatever else is happening

    there is so much at stake at times, especially when there are kids

    there is no answer. it is a matter of difficult choices, overcoming your fears and at the end never having the intention to hurt someone…

    but then of course, reality kicks in and kicks you so hard in the butt….that you end up landing close to the moon…. 🙂

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  2. Strongly disagree!! Love is same for years. This is true that it is hard to find the loyal one. Equally applicable to both man and woman. I have seen the couples cheating on, even after marriage. They are not just cheating their partner but also their families. This is lust, it can’t be fulfilled. Still there are many who are loyal to their partner, family.

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    1. Most importantly, sinned against God.

      3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. 4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge.”— Psalm 51:3-4 (NIV)

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  3. I would not want to be in a relationship without trust. Trust that there would always be truth. There is a difference between true and truth. True is the opposite of false. Truth is wider and less easy to explain. I have been blessed and am in a marriage of 56 years. I never had to question or doubt. For my husband trust is critical.

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      1. IN my case I am blessed with someone that abhors untruth. He sees lying as a breech of honor. Honor is also important to him. I also would never consider seeking a relationship elsewhere. This is so hard to explain and sound real. I have never doubted his love and commitment to me and I am sure he has never doubted mine. I honestly can’t say why we are both that way but we have always been. I am sure there are minor things that we have kept from each other but nothing that would mar our faith in each other. Besides being my husband he is my best friend, my sounding board and my best supporter.I know this sounds too good to be true but remember I was born in 1940 and life was really different then. I think we were both raised with ideas about relationships that are not around now.

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  4. Something is not understandable to everyone about what God as Always provides to “Himself”. God as Always moves all around the area interfacing with so much life, placing “Himself” at the body posture of people at unity and loving them emotionally and physically. This is agreeable where it is happening at unity and disagreeable where people are not aware to “His” presence. Your communication is a related now contemplation. I appreciate seeing it and having the opportunity to understand something with you.

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  5. Love comes as one quality, purity. Its source is endless. Yet in real life it seems to slip away here and there. It over time can become so clouded, so murky, so full of blocks that it no longer flows. Pure love is an open heart. When mistrust sèeds itself, the doors of the heart may be beginning to close to protect the self. If so, love has begun to become soiled as a quality of love that is becoming conditional and subject to desires, fears and judgements. Both must prune back the weeds of these three thought/feeling patterns with awareness so that pure unblemished love can continue to blossom.

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  6. Trust is necessary in a healthy marriage. If we are equally yoked and are one flesh as God tells us to be then you are only injuring yourself when you hurt your partner. I am married to my best friend. I know I am truly blessed and don’t take my love for granted. Love ❤️ JS. Great topic.

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  7. According to scripture we are to trust only God—Proverbs 3:5-6.
    Why? As humans we have many flaws and all have sinned and will never be sinless—Romans 3:23.

    Trust no man but we can have belief of hope in each other to do what is right—Psalm 118:8-9; Micah 7:5; Jeremiah 17:15; and other scriptures.

    I do not agree it is okay to flirt or show any other inappropriate behavior to other women, same for me. This could definitely lead to actually adultery or adultery in heart—Matthew 5:27-28. But each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their evil desire and enticed—James 1:14.

    When we sin it is against God example on II Samuel 12:13, David said ‘I have sinned against God.’

    I definitely have belief and pray that my husband will be true to me.

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  9. Loyalty is the most important thing in a relationship. Unfortunately, nowadays people are involved in adultery, extramarital affairs and other immoral things betraying their partners. A relationship can’t survive without loyalty.

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  10. Yes it’s too much to ask in today’s world. Everything is situational and people behave as per their comfort. Love is not a problem but trust is. Even if you love someone with all your loyalty, you cannot expect the person to reciprocate the same. All of these definitions are changed and we have to accept the way it come. That’s a harsh reality !!!

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  11. Definitions change because they are man-made. God is unchanging. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. Where I come from, God is love. I’ve learnt that God so loved all mankind that He gave His only Son, Jesus, to save, heal and set free. In the definition of God, Love never changes. It is eternal and most satisfying. Be it any relationship. Once a person tastes Godly love, there’s no turning back.

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  13. rather than changing the meanings of universally coded values and principles, the perceptions that people have of it, from generation to generation, change the value and interpretation that generational individuals and propaganda give to words, principles. And the change of perspective that has become objective and true has become subjective and relative

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  14. I believe in trust and honesty and will usually gives those without thought and expect them to be returned by everyone I meet. Do I get “burned” ? Yes, but I will continue to be the bright-eyed girl of wonder who trusts and is honest with those I meet.

    When it comes to loyalty, though, I’m not so openly giving of that. To me, loyalty, like respect, needs to be earned. If you’re true, honest, and respectful of me, I will be the same to you, and eventually, I would hope that we could both be loyal to each other.

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  16. Long Term thinking has waned , it is almost non existent , For example , if a person was in a Marriage that had its end in sight by means of health problems , A definite end is coming , and both people know this … and a truly compatible person has serious interest in the other mate , Is that person willing to wait ? Are they both willing to wait ? Communicate the thoughts and set proper boundaries , and wait …Love would do that …
    The woman who wants to steal a married man , will not wait , she will damage and try to break ….. there are men also guilty of that , invading marriages to take what does not belong to them .
    Loyalty to a mate because of God’s principles , Adultery is immediate disapproval and the right to enter his kingdom is removed …whether they love each other or not …
    Compatibility is a hard issue these days ,.. and tensions can run very high when wrong expectations are present … all kinds of damage can occur …

    Communication is damaged , One to One communication ( Which is where all problems and expectations get solved ) is non existent in many social cultures now , Digital Media has made it a Swipe left or right option , and you break up by text , so you don’t actually have to face the person …….. How cruel …

    The Self is the main objective now , not the Bond ..real Love is a Bond ,,,and that Band must be shown attention and be treated with gentleness and trust …..
    I am in a marriage that may end by means of Health issues , my Wife is much older than I , but both of us have Health problems .. As well my Beliefs tell me this world is very close to a precipice of change it will not recover from …. Read Revelation 11:18 …

    If any prospective partner cannot see the same road to travel , you are traveling different paths from the outset ….. It will end in a split …..your destinations are different .

    Relationships ,..must have at least the same destination in mind and heart , where are you going in life ? ……
    Even in Beliefs ,…One teaching says We go to Heaven , and the More correct one says the Meek inherit the Earth ….Much evidence in the Bible for that ……
    So the Foundation in a relationship becomes incredibly important …

    No one is willing to do the work ,…to actually make things work …

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  20. I think the definition of love depends on who is feeling it. What I thought of love as a teen, young adult, then mature adult all had different definitions depending on my maturity level at the time. What I would have thought of passion as a teen, now I see as emotional instability, when I was so desperate to love and be loved. Like religion, politics, and food choices, love is relative to our experience, growth, and current state of mind. Sometimes career or health takes a backseat to it, other times, not so much. I like the idea of free will–choosing my own path and what matters to me most in a given moment, as well as getting to decide what an emotion means to me. And just as important, is honoring what that word means to others.

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  21. Spiritually speaking, we should only trust the Lord. Below is one of many scriptures to confirm this statement. We hope our spouses would do right if in a compromising position and not cross lines with the opposite sex. I do not believe in allowing my husband to flirt, nor does he allow me, nor do we put ourselves in compromising positions. There must be moral boundaries in a marriage despite being a Christian or not. Remember, we have all sinned and are up for grabs with temptation from Satan.

    “It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in humans.”
    — Psalm 118:8 (NIV)

    8 “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.”
    — 1 Peter 5:8-9

    http://blb.org/niv/1p

    “8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.”
    — 1 Peter 5:8-9 (NIV)

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